Check to see if UR in a toxic relationship
01
Belittlement
This can cause bitterness and constant belittling can cause mental trauma. This can happen without realizing. Belittlement stems from insecurity. If you or UR partner is insecure, it's time to address the issue.
Healthy recipes with local ingredients
Get personalized and curated wellness content on URLife.co.in
By clicking you agree to T&c and privacy policy
02
Mental and physical abuse
Any kind of abuse is a clear indicator that shows UR partner you are unhappy or mentally troubled, which causes them to lash out. In many cases, people regret lashing out mentally & physically. If it happens rarely then forgive, if it occurs regularly seek external help immediately.
03
Infidelity
This can be of different kinds, it can be emotional or physical. One can’t blame anyone for cheating. It depends on the circumstance if the partner is regretful & willing to change its worth forgiving. If the partner tries to cover it up, it leads to trust issues. It’s all about how you feel, UR values and the situation UR in. A relationship should make you feel safe and secure more than happy. So choose wisely.
Join the wellness movement!
Get personalized and curated wellness content on URLife.co.in
By clicking you agree to T&c and privacy policy
04
Lack of trust or respect
No respect or trust can make any relationship stagnant just like a broken-down car. Respect in a relationship is like peanut butter and jelly; they taste amazing when they are together in a sandwich. Respect stems from UR upbringing and personality. If you were brought up in an atmosphere that didn’t respect women, you can carry the same to UR relationship.
05
No communication
Little or no communication causes never-ending conflicts and misunderstandings. Communicating helps you and UR partner understand each other's genuine emotions. Set an exclusive date night once a month to discuss each other’s issues and problems. Feel free to do this exercise more often if required. The golden rule of this exercise is to solve issues and not repeat them again. Having said that habits take a while to change, give people time and understand their perspectives before accusing.
Related Tags
You may also like
What Is The Best Self-Care During The COVID-19 Crisis?
Self-care should be uppermost in our minds during the COVID-19 crisis, for several urgent reasons. Self-care returns a sense of control over your own life. It gives you an integrative approach to mind and body. It aligns you with the best knowledge currently available about who is more at risk for developing acute symptoms after being infected. Your immune status is complex, and in mainstream medicine the chief determining factor is traditionally considered to be genetic. However, there are strong links to underlying low-level chronic inflammation connected to lifestyle that is found in most if not all common disorders including heart disease, type 2 diabetes, some cancers, and even obesity. COVID-19 has a mortality rate that increases with age and pre-existing conditions, as we all know by now. What is less publicized is that the hospitalization rate, which is very high at over 15%, also affects younger age groups even though their death rates are lower. In those who are most susceptible, the virus creates an acute and severe form of inflammation referred to as a “cytokine storm”, which then leads to severe symptoms and respiratory damage, even death. Cytokines are the chief protein mediators of inflammation in the body. We can use this information about the dangers of having an elevated pre-existing state of low-level chronic inflammation to perhaps offset the possibility of the kind of acute inflammation that puts a person at risk for severe infection and hospitalization. Let me emphasize the “perhaps” caution. The research on low-level chronic inflammation grows by the year and is very significant. You can go to many websites or our recent book “The Healing Self” to discover the kinds of foods and lifestyles that are either inflammatory or anti-inflammatory. But it is only in the field of integrative medicine that there is a cumulative understanding that anti-inflammation practices need to embrace mind and body. The general public, including mainstream doctors, are more often than not ill-informed of the research that connects meditation and yoga to the benefits of anti-stress, anti-inflammation, and anti-infection. Without a doubt, meditation and yoga have no side effects and are backed by decades of research over their benefits. To this has been added so-called “vagal breathing”, related to the ability of the vagus nerve to induce a relaxed state simply by doing regular deep breathing that equalizes breathing in and breathing out (there are numerous websites providing instructions on this simple but effective technique, which is now a standard recommendation for countering stress). Biophysical anthropologist William C. Bushell points to the damage created by the body’s own immune defenses. To quote a recent article at Medium.com by Maureen Seaberg, “Bushell says that inflammation is the primary way COVID-19 kills. ‘Spread of the virus through the body leads to widespread and intensive activation of the inflammatory defenses throughout the body, though originally intended to combat the pathogen, but at this point instead resulting in widespread tissue damage, and fatally, to acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), in which the lungs become flooded and respiratory failure ensues; the viral toxins themselves play a much lesser role in the tissue damage that ultimately can produce extreme critical disease states (pulmonary aspiration, septic shock), and potentially death.” The uncharted frontier is whether chronic inflammation, which is thought to be widely prevalent in our stress-filled, junk food eating, sleep-deprived society, increases the odds that the body might erupt into acute inflammation, e.g. a cytokine storm, when infected with viruses like COVID-19. One can think of this of this storm as a kind of over-reaction by our immune system. The big question is whether low-grade chronic inflammation may set the stage for this over-reaction and increase the odds of a “cytokine storm” in the presence of a nasty virus like COVID-19. Meanwhile, meditation, yoga, vagal breathing, and other relaxation techniques might provide an edge in the current crisis by reducing the chronic inflammatory state of the body. We’ve joined Bushell and other concerned figures, including Michelle Williams, S.D., Dean of Harvard’s School of Public Health, in advising that meditation and yoga (in addition to a healthy diet and ample sleep) be included in front-line efforts against COVID-19. The public is woefully uninformed about the mind-body benefits of these simple, effective measures, and every model of the pandemic foresees a huge overload on this country’s hospitals. The virus is more contagious and infectious than the flu, and it hospitalizes and kills a much higher percentage of cases. The message about COVID-19 and inflammation is very important. It needs to be received by all of us for our common well-being at any time, but most urgently, now, we all must strive to reduce our base level of chronic inflammation. DEEPAK CHOPRA MD, FACP, founder of The Chopra Foundation, a non-profit entity for research on well-being and humanitarianism, and Chopra Global, a modern-day health company at the intersection of science and spirituality, is a world-renowned pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation. Chopra is a Clinical Professor of Family Medicine and Public Health at the University of California, San Diego and serves as a senior scientist with Gallup Organization. He is the author of over 89 books translated into over forty-three languages, including numerous New York Times bestsellers. Chopra is a Clinical Professor of Family Medicine and Public Health at the University of California, San Diego and serves as a senior scientist with Gallup Organization. His 90th book, Metahuman: Unleashing Your Infinite Potential, unlocks the secrets to moving beyond our present limitations to access a field of infinite possibilities. TIME magazine has described Dr. Chopra as “one of the top 100 heroes and icons of the century.” Rudolph Tanzi, Ph.D. is the Vice-Chair of Neurology, Director of the Genetics and Aging Research Unit, Co-Director of the Henry and Allison McCance Center for Brain Health, and Co-Director of the MassGeneral Institute for Neurodegenerative Disease at Massachusetts General Hospital. He also serves as the Joseph P. and Rose F. Kennedy Professor of Neurology at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Tanzi discovered several Alzheimer’s disease genes, including all three early-onset familial Alzheimer’s genes, and serves as director of the Alzheimer’s Genome Project. He is also developing therapies for treating and preventing AD using human mini-brain organoid models of the disease, pioneered in his laboratory. Dr. Tanzi has published 600 papers, received numerous awards and was on the 2015 TIME100 Most Influential People in the World list. Dr. Tanzi is a New York Times bestselling author, who has co-authored “Decoding Darkness” and three bestsellers with Deepak Chopra: “Super Brain”, “Super Genes”, and “The Healing Self”.
How Stressed Are You?
As Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”. In urban India, the answer seems to have become a foregone conclusion. Almost akin to saying, if you are alive, you surely have stress! So if having stress is a given, let’s check your attitude towards stress. Is it driving or destroying you? Is it energising and invigorating, or is it extremely exhausting? Is it fantastic or fatiguing? A simplistic diagnosis would be to ask you what your answer was. If you said ‘yes’ to the former all the time, that does make you a stress addict. Without stress you don’t move, but with stress you are all charged up - face flushed, eyes wide, heart pumping and blood racing through your arteries. You may also have said ‘No’ to most of the questions. What then? You do seem to be at the end of your tether, don’t you? You seem to be swamped under the burden of your troubles. Or, the thought of stress puts you in panic mode. You are either overburdened with stress and close to burnout or you have stress phobia. But why not do a quick 30-day stress analysis – a ‘how much’ and ‘where from’ check. You can understand the problem quickly, which will make working on the solution much easier too. If work was “very exciting” then place a W on that day. If the work was “OK” then write 2 Ws. And if it was bad/tiring/disappointing, then give it 3 Ws. Follow this routine with all other areas too. At the end of the week, total up each area individually. This matrix will help you quantify your stress areas, which you can reflect upon on a weekly or monthly basis. The more the Hs, the more the stress caused at home. The less the Rs, the healthier is your relationship quotient! The results may be exactly as you expected - confirming what you always knew. On the other hand, the results of the month may even be quite a revelation. Your perception may have been that home was a boiling pot of stress, but the totals may indicate that in fact, it was work. Now, let us explore some solutions. A problem-solving approach, a change of attitude or a change of perception might help you address specific areas. But meanwhile, you need to burn the existing stress. Let us start with the top of the body and work down to the feet. It was about your lazy bones that Martin Lurther King Jr said, “The time is always right to do what is right.” 1) Head, Neck, Face – When stress burdens us, like Atlas we tend to take the load on our shoulders. The muscles of the neck and shoulders go tight, the jaw clenches and the forehead goes into a frown. All this muscle tension soon results in a tension headache. Here are a few simple steps to beat the Atlas: • Sit comfortably in a chair, legs and arms in an open position. • Gently point your chin to the left shoulder, then right. Repeat it five times. Then point the chin up to the sky and down, five times. • Rotate your neck very slowly – left shoulder, chest, right shoulder, back, left shoulder. • Slowly reverse. Repeat five times. • Now comes the silent scream – open your mouth wide, squeeze those eyes shut and let out a scream at a zero volume. This is a good preventive measure, though it may not help much if the headache is severe. Try it when you feel discomfort starting. • Time taken: 5 minutes. 2) Chest – With stress, the chest feels heavy, the breathing short and uncomfortable and this only adds to the state of arousal. Try these quickies to breathe right. • Sit with the back straight in, in an open body position. • Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. • Slow your breath down to a count of four in, and then 4 out. • When you breathe in, push the abdomen out and when you breathe out, pull the abdomen in. • Now reverse count your breaths. Depending on the time available, start with 54 or 16. One count for breathe in and one for breathe out. When you reach zero, open your eyes. • Now your breathing is slow: lower chest and lungs are being used, your oxygen requirement is being met and your body and mind are becoming calm. • Time taken: 5 minutes The value of a robust physical activity is many folds. Whether it is an hour of aerobics, Bollywood dance or salsa, a walk or jog around the park or a strenuous session of swimming, the benefits are felt by your heart, lungs and blood vessels. The muscles and the joints of the body are mobilised and strengthened. And most importantly, the stress impacts of hormones and neurochemicals are burned and reduced. Feel-good hormones or endorphins are released creating a sense of de-stress and wellbeing. To the above list let’s add sports – tennis, football, basketball, hockey or cricket. With this, you will learn to work within a team, subjugate your ego for the group, rise to a leadership position if required, demand the best out of each teammate and rise to the challenge of a win!
Ways to a restful night’s sleep
Ways to a restful night’s sleep A restful night’s sleep is a luxury for many. There are loads of sleep-inducing teas, pills and sprays, that I sometimes feel may have a placebo effect if they are natural. Charmaine D’Souza’s mix for sleep works best for me. Try and stay away from sleep medication as much as possible, they are highly addictive. Early dinners at least four hours before bedtime can improve UR sleep quality and avoid indigestion, stomach cramps and bloating. Indigestion causes a lot of sleep disturbances. Flatulence while sleeping can be uncomfortable, embarrassing and can take a toll on UR sex life. Stretching & Relaxing post a hectic day sounds great but difficult to achieve. Do something that doesn’t stimulate UR mind, this includes all digital communication. If talking to people relaxes you then put them on speaker and lock the phone so you don’t see the blue light. Stretch every part of UR body if possible before sleeping. Exercising regularly reduces insomnia, mental stress, releases endorphins and regulates UR body temperature. Make sure you avoid strenuous exercise 2 to 3 hours before bedtime, however a very famous actor told me that he walks for 30 minutes post dinner to help the digestion process. Reduce fluid intake post 6pm. It’s not worth drinking tea, coffee or sugary substances post 6 pm. 80% of UR water consumption for the day must be complete by 6pm. This helps avoiding unnecessary pee breaks in the middle of UR sleep. Keep UR bedroom clean and linen smelling fresh and you will automatically feel relaxed and comfortable. I like to freeze the room, but my partner prefers the fan. Nevertheless, we both love clean smelling linen and make sure we burn camphor and sage in our rooms to remove negativity. Our spaces have to be clean and our bed side tables have to clutter free. It’s a rule.
Emotional Intelligence: Escaping The Matrix Of Fear
For many young people, the COVID virus outbreak will bring their first experience of fear and anxiety as a pervasive mood. As a society we are afraid of fear, and most of the time we can turn our backs on it. But this kind of denial is unworkable in a crisis. As bad news mounts daily and society becomes ever more anxious, countless people become enmeshed in the matrix of fear without knowing how to escape. Social forces can drive you to participate in the matrix of fear, but society cannot get you out of it. Escape is something each person must confront on their own. I believe that freeing yourself from fear and anxiety is possible. More than that, you can learn how to be free of fear long after the COVID crisis has passed. The key is to cultivate emotional intelligence. The term had a burst of attention some years ago, but the value of emotional intelligence never changes, and when you focus on it, you will achieve something worthwhile for life. Here are six principles to guide you through the process. Commit to never complaining, criticizing, or playing the victim. Imagine a creative, positive future for yourself. Don't regret the past. It no longer exists. Be present in every situation as it occurs. Be independent of other people's criticism or approval. Be responsive to feedback. It is fair to say that hardly anyone hits upon these principles by trial and error or through experience of life. A person can live a long time without paying attention to emotional intelligence, and among men, the word “emotion” too often connotes something undesirable, as if showing emotional sensitivity is a sign of weakness. But emotional intelligence is gender neutral. The fact that humans can observe their emotions is a remarkable trait, and once you begin to observe your own emotions, you can counter the power of an unwanted emotion like fear and anxiety. Whether we admit it or not, emotions fascinate us, as Hollywood well knows. Empathizing with emotions onscreen is easy and pleasurable, but we are too attached to our own emotions, and it takes very little experience of anxiety, humiliation, rejection, and failure to train us to avoid the mine field of emotions in general. So it’s worth saying that developing emotional intelligence isn’t scary or difficult. All you need to do is notice and pay attention. By pausing and standing back a little, you can observe how you are reacting at any given moment. You can even turn the six principles into questions posed to yourself. Am I complaining, criticizing, or playing the victim? Do I see my future in a creative, positive way? Am I pointlessly reliving the past? Do I see what’s going on right now? Am I afraid of someone else’s criticism or craving their approval? Am I listening to what other people are trying to tell me? These are not mysterious or metaphysical questions. We can pause to ask them any time we want, and we should. But we are blocked by old conditioning and the habit of feeling uneasy about our emotions. There is a great deal of social pressure to behave with very low emotional intelligence, a kind of dumbing down on the feeling level. As a result we act in self-defeating ways. To give a few examples, We repeat the same reactions in most situations. We imitate how others behave, starting with our family. We act on impulse without a second thought. We don’t really see how others are reacting to us. We let negative emotions like fear, anger, envy, and resentment have their way. We easily go into denial and seek outside distractions. A whole way of life is implied in these examples, and when collective fear mounts, as it is right now, people often have little or no idea how to escape. Denial and distraction simply become more intensified, and playing the victim is more tempting than usual. Alternatively, we tell ourselves that we need to stay in control more than ever. But what is needed isn’t emotional self-control but emotional resilience. Resilience is the most important single aspect of emotional intelligence. You allow your emotions to rise and fall naturally, without trying to stop or control them. Once an emotion has passed, you feel better, and you are able to return to a state of peace and calm. The opposite of emotional resilience is seen when people are stiff, reserved, bottled up inside, censorious, aloof, proud, or remote. In all of these cases past experience has made certain emotions unacceptable. The only way to deal with them is through avoidance. One is reminded of the adage that trees can be blown over by a storm while grasses bend without breaking. Because the mind by nature is restful, alert, quiet, and at peace, that state of balance is the basis for developing emotional intelligence. You need the experience of balance in order to return to it at will. The experience comes naturally to everyone unless it is thrown off by stress and crisis. Then it takes a bit of intervention on our part, through meditation preferably. Meditation no only returns the mind to its balanced state, but it also allows you to observe what is happening, to experience it directly, and to identify with the quiet state of mind. Ultimately, this is how fear can be escaped permanently. Meanwhile, everyone can benefit from lessening the anxiety being experienced all around us. Emotional intelligence goes a very long way to expanding your awareness and making you free of stress and anxiety right now.
Managing A Heavy Workload With Motivation
If you feel you are overloaded with work and have heaps of tasks to complete, keep in mind that there are a few individuals in your team or at your workplace who would be happy to go beyond their job descriptions, so before you complain about a workload stop and try to be your driving force. It is instances such as these that demand you adopt the Happy A.X.E principle to proceed with deeper self-introspection over priorities. Therefore go ahead and make the most of the Happy A.X.E rule to stay motivated and upbeat about your work! And remember, a positive and optimistic outlook can go a long way! A-Access Vs. Excess Time On Your Hands Are you under stress because you have less time to access the work, or excess work needs to be done at the earliest? Besides the push from your reporting manager, are there other factors causing stress? Try to identify them and cut them down one by one. Remember, you are giving your best to bring positive results but be open to constructive criticism later. Convincing yourself to unload the work pressure is the first step to feel motivated. X-Xerox The Exact Idea Vs. Apply The Advice Are you open to seeking help from others during this period? One of your colleagues or seniors might have been in a similar situation earlier. So there is nothing wrong with asking for help but see to it that it does not turn into asking for favours. You may implement their advice in your work and seek further help later with their permission. Also, don’t forget that making peace with the people around is essential to help you stay motivated while being honest with your work. Present Vs. Living In The Future When was the last time you enjoyed working overtime? Compare and assess the efforts that you put in during those days with the present work. Give yourself two realistic self-deadlines and work with proper dedication, keeping all distractions away. This will help you feel comfortable while you give your hundred per cent, regardless of the pressure. Working in a high-stress environment is different from working with highly stressed individuals. Engaging yourself and your team through outbound training sessions with the help of professional transformational training experts can help you prevent such instances in the future as the team members do not just take a break but give a break to each other holistically. The team’s abilities are also improved, and leadership qualities are enhanced. What’s more, personal conflicts or intragroup conflicts too are resolved, and communication skills are boosted, leading to better bonding and collaboration. You may be giving your best to bring positive results but convincing yourself to unload the work pressure is the first step to feel motivated. Even though you want to be motivated and inspired to complete all of your tasks, there may be times when you may not feel any motivation at all. There’s also no denying that sometimes, motivation is hard to get hold of. Staring at our screens and simply not being able to get through the work, no matter how hard we try, is an instance we can all relate to. At times like these, you have to get your act together and look for real and practical solutions to be able to get the job done and also inspire yourself. Fortunately, there are certain tricks and tips to help you get motivated in no time at all! Stay Motivated And Upbeat About Your Work Stop thinking of the work as hard and consider it as something that is propelling you towards what you want to be. Envision the task is already completed and also think about how good that would make you feel! Chasing a big goal can be scary at times, as you may not know where to begin! So it’s best to break your goals down into small bite-size goals so that each time you make some progress, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and will be motivated to continue. When you need to complete a task, you will probably not think about doing anything else or for that matter, pick up a book and read! But reading can help you find the motivation you are lacking! Additionally, it’s a profoundly inspiring habit to acquire. Moreover, when you have a deadline to reach, ignore all irrelevant activities and forge ahead to complete your unfinished work by getting rid of anything that wastes your time and always sticks to the activities that apply to a larger goal. Some of the other natural ways to find motivation are to allow yourself some downtime and once refreshed, dive into your task again. Also, remember to celebrate your small wins and reward yourself for staying motivated and on top of things!
How To Settle The Mind During A Crisis
At first only a few voices spoke of positive change after the COVID crisis ends, or at least becomes livable once again. Now one hears a chorus calling for change, much of it from younger people. The main message is about global cooperation and preparing better for the next pandemic. But I think people are pondering personal change, too. In the midst of widespread trepidation, what are the new goals that each of us might start pursuing right now? The first goal should be a settled mind. Fear is persuasive and panic easily goes viral. At the best of times most people turn their backs on worrisome problems rather than dealing with them directly. But unless you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, you can settle your mind and go beyond fear. The first steps to gaining mastery over fear are open to everyone, as follows. • Sit down and candidly talk about your level of anxiety. Assemble the adults in your family, and perhaps older teenagers. Discuss your feelings in the context of getting past them. • Don’t dwell on anxious thoughts. When one arises, say to yourself, “This isn’t helping. Go away, I don’t need you.” Talking back to the voice in your head is actually effective. • Plan rationally for the situation you find yourself in. Problems can be divided into three categories: things you can fix, things you have to put up with, and things you should walk away from. Take each individual issue that faces you, and write down which category it falls into. Most people aggravate their worries through indecision. They vacillate between trying to fix something, putting up with it, and fantasizing about running away from it. Be clear in your reasoning; pick one strategy from the three, then stick to it. • Empathize with other people’s anxiety, but don’t make it a daily habit. Be helpful and reassuring. If this doesn’t work, you should tune out the most anxious complaints and focus on anything positive that emerges. • Be creative with your free time. Idle minds are fear’s playground. • Don’t obsess over the news. Limit your viewing time to short periods two or three times a day. This is a crisis unfolding in slow motion. You don’t have to keep up with it minute by minute. • Seek consoling and uplifting things to read and listen to. • Devote some time several times a day to sit quietly, close your eyes, and use deep, regular breathing to reach a settled state inside. If you are patient enough to practice regular meditation, do that. • Write down a vision of your future as you would like to live it after the crisis passes. Detail all the things you want to achieve and experience. • Foster hope in your immediate circle, but don’t make it up if you don’t actually feel hopeful. • Take time every day to do something that makes you smile and laugh. As you can see, none of these things are mysterious. They are available to everyone, and if you seriously undertake it, the project of defeating fear is more than doable. At a more inward level, you can also confront the misleading ideas that anxiety fosters, replacing them with positive ideas any time they recur. First, the false ideas that are typically born of fear: • If I worry, it shows I care. • I have to worry because others around me don’t seem to. • By worrying I am fending off the worst things that might happen. • Sometimes the things I worry about come true, which justifies all the times they do not come true. • Worrying doesn't hurt anybody, so why not worry? • The world is hard and life is difficult. It is only healthy to worry. • I know my worries make me feel bad, but that's the price I am willing to pay. • A lot of people worry, so I am not alone. At the very least I get a lot of reinforcement on the news and in social media. • If I worry now, it's a kind of insurance that will help me not be hurt in the future when bad stuff happens. • Worry shows my family that I love them. • If my anxiety touches others, they will want to help and take care of me without me having to ask. Habitual worriers will recognize these familiar thoughts, and all of us entertain some of them in anxious times. But each thought is the product of fear. Clear, positive thoughts should be put in place of them, as follows: • Despite my worries, I am safe and cared for. • Any problem is best dealt with when it actually occurs. • Planning for a bad eventuality should be done once, take very little time, and then left alone. • If you have coped in the past, you can trust yourself to cope now and tomorrow. • Worrying is pointless as a way to solve anything. It blocks the part of the mind that actually solves problems. • If you feel bad from anxiety, your hurt is self-inflicted, and getting out of the hurt involves taking responsibility for your own reactions. • The people around you do not like you better because you worry about them. They find it a nuisance but do not want to oppose you, so they adapt and put up with it. • Worrying drives others away. • Worrying blocks a healthy sense of self because it is basically an expression of insecurity. • Anxiety doesn't protect you from future hurt. It actually brings hurt into the here and now. • You are not your fears, but if you accept that you are, personal growth is blocked. You might even find it helpful to take these two lists and discuss each item with people close to you. The project of overcoming fear knows no specific time and place. In normal times we should be gaining control over fear to the extent we can. Now, however, the need to settle the mind is more urgent than ever. DEEPAK CHOPRA™ MD, FACP, founder of The Chopra Foundation, a non-profit entity for research on well-being and humanitarianism, and Chopra Global, a modern-day health company at the intersection of science and spirituality, is a world-renowned pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation. Chopra is a Clinical Professor of Family Medicine and Public Health at the University of California, San Diego and serves as a senior scientist with Gallup Organization. He is the author of over 89 books translated into over forty-three languages, including numerous New York Times bestsellers. His 90th book, Metahuman: Unleashing Your Infinite Potential, unlocks the secrets to moving beyond our present limitations to access a field of infinite possibilities. TIME magazine has described Dr. Chopra as “one of the top 100 heroes and icons of the century.”
All time favorites
Emotional Intelligence: Escaping The Matrix Of Fear
For many young people, the COVID virus outbreak will bring their first experience of fear and anxiety as a pervasive mood. As a society we are afraid of fear, and most of the time we can turn our backs on it. But this kind of denial is unworkable in a crisis. As bad news mounts daily and society becomes ever more anxious, countless people become enmeshed in the matrix of fear without knowing how to escape. Social forces can drive you to participate in the matrix of fear, but society cannot get you out of it. Escape is something each person must confront on their own. I believe that freeing yourself from fear and anxiety is possible. More than that, you can learn how to be free of fear long after the COVID crisis has passed. The key is to cultivate emotional intelligence. The term had a burst of attention some years ago, but the value of emotional intelligence never changes, and when you focus on it, you will achieve something worthwhile for life. Here are six principles to guide you through the process. Commit to never complaining, criticizing, or playing the victim. Imagine a creative, positive future for yourself. Don't regret the past. It no longer exists. Be present in every situation as it occurs. Be independent of other people's criticism or approval. Be responsive to feedback. It is fair to say that hardly anyone hits upon these principles by trial and error or through experience of life. A person can live a long time without paying attention to emotional intelligence, and among men, the word “emotion” too often connotes something undesirable, as if showing emotional sensitivity is a sign of weakness. But emotional intelligence is gender neutral. The fact that humans can observe their emotions is a remarkable trait, and once you begin to observe your own emotions, you can counter the power of an unwanted emotion like fear and anxiety. Whether we admit it or not, emotions fascinate us, as Hollywood well knows. Empathizing with emotions onscreen is easy and pleasurable, but we are too attached to our own emotions, and it takes very little experience of anxiety, humiliation, rejection, and failure to train us to avoid the mine field of emotions in general. So it’s worth saying that developing emotional intelligence isn’t scary or difficult. All you need to do is notice and pay attention. By pausing and standing back a little, you can observe how you are reacting at any given moment. You can even turn the six principles into questions posed to yourself. Am I complaining, criticizing, or playing the victim? Do I see my future in a creative, positive way? Am I pointlessly reliving the past? Do I see what’s going on right now? Am I afraid of someone else’s criticism or craving their approval? Am I listening to what other people are trying to tell me? These are not mysterious or metaphysical questions. We can pause to ask them any time we want, and we should. But we are blocked by old conditioning and the habit of feeling uneasy about our emotions. There is a great deal of social pressure to behave with very low emotional intelligence, a kind of dumbing down on the feeling level. As a result we act in self-defeating ways. To give a few examples, We repeat the same reactions in most situations. We imitate how others behave, starting with our family. We act on impulse without a second thought. We don’t really see how others are reacting to us. We let negative emotions like fear, anger, envy, and resentment have their way. We easily go into denial and seek outside distractions. A whole way of life is implied in these examples, and when collective fear mounts, as it is right now, people often have little or no idea how to escape. Denial and distraction simply become more intensified, and playing the victim is more tempting than usual. Alternatively, we tell ourselves that we need to stay in control more than ever. But what is needed isn’t emotional self-control but emotional resilience. Resilience is the most important single aspect of emotional intelligence. You allow your emotions to rise and fall naturally, without trying to stop or control them. Once an emotion has passed, you feel better, and you are able to return to a state of peace and calm. The opposite of emotional resilience is seen when people are stiff, reserved, bottled up inside, censorious, aloof, proud, or remote. In all of these cases past experience has made certain emotions unacceptable. The only way to deal with them is through avoidance. One is reminded of the adage that trees can be blown over by a storm while grasses bend without breaking. Because the mind by nature is restful, alert, quiet, and at peace, that state of balance is the basis for developing emotional intelligence. You need the experience of balance in order to return to it at will. The experience comes naturally to everyone unless it is thrown off by stress and crisis. Then it takes a bit of intervention on our part, through meditation preferably. Meditation no only returns the mind to its balanced state, but it also allows you to observe what is happening, to experience it directly, and to identify with the quiet state of mind. Ultimately, this is how fear can be escaped permanently. Meanwhile, everyone can benefit from lessening the anxiety being experienced all around us. Emotional intelligence goes a very long way to expanding your awareness and making you free of stress and anxiety right now.
The Fundamentals Of Good Health
There are three fundamentals you need to take care of to create health for yourself - food, activity and rest. 1. Eating Right One of the most critical aspects you must be conscious of is how quickly a specific type of food digests and becomes a part of yourself. If you eat something and it doesn't digest within three hours, it means you have eaten food that should either be avoided or reduced in quantity. If the food moves out of your stomach within three hours, it means that even if it is not the best food, it is still something your system is able to handle. If you maintain a clear gap of five to six hours between one meal and the next, without having anything in between, cleansing will take place at the cellular level. This cleansing at the cellular level is essential for a healthy life. If you are over 30 years of age, two tasty meals a day will suffice one in the morning and one in the evening. There must be a gap of three hours before you go to bed after your evening meal. If this includes at least 20 to 30 minutes of light physical activity such as simple walking your system will be healthy. If you go to bed with food still inside your stomach, a certain level of inertia in the system will be generated. Physiologically, this inertia is like acceleration towards death and death is the ultimate inertia. Another dimension is that if you go to bed with a full stomach, it puts pressure on other organs in the abdomen. This will also lead to various kinds of health issues. For this reason, too it is crucial that before you go to bed the food eaten should move out of the stomach as you sleep in different postures so you should ensure that your stomach doesn’t put pressure on your other organs at any point. 2. Use Your Body When it comes to activity, a straightforward thing you need to consider is that your body is capable of bending forward, bending backwards and twisting towards both sides. So this activity must happen in some form or the other. Classical hatha yoga is the best way to do it. Moreover, it is scientific. So if traditional hatha yoga is not yet part of your life, you must somehow make sure that every day you bend forward, backward, twist to both sides and squat so that your spinal column is stretched. This is a must on a daily basis, if you want to keep your entire system healthy particularly your neurological system, or else it will be an issue as you age. 3. Get Enough Rest But Not Too Much! Various factors determine the amount of rest a person needs. One crucial factor is the type and amount of food you consume. Experiment with different kinds of foods and check which foods make you feel heavy and which ones leave you light and agile. If you make sure that at least 40 per cent of your diet consists of fresh vegetables and fruits, there will be lightness in your body. Also what the body needs is restfulness and not necessarily sleep. Therefore it is a misunderstanding to think that sleep is the only way to rest. Even as you sit or stand you can either be in a state of restfulness, in a state of agitation, or in a state of inertia. But if you are in a lively state of restfulness every moment of your life, the volume of sleep you require will decrease. How To Live A Healthy Life The Five Sheaths Of The Body 1. In yoga, the human system is looked upon as five sheaths or layers. Every aspect of the human system including the mind, is seen as a body and yoga is a technology to transform it. These five layers of the body are called Annamaya Kosha, Manomaya Kosha, Pranamaya Kosha, Vignanamaya Kosha and Anandamaya Kosha. 2. Anna means food. And your physical body or Annamaya Kosha is the food that you have eaten small or big is your choice, but it is food, nonetheless. So as there is a physical body that you have gathered from outside, there is also a mental body. This spiritual body is known as Manomaya Kosha. If you bring the physical body, the mental body and the energy body into proper alignment and balance, you will not have any physical or psychological ailments. 3. The third layer of the body is called Pranamaya Kosha or energy body. The physical body, mental body, and energy body are all in the realm of physicality, but on different levels of subtlety. 4. The next layer of the body is a transitory body that is known as Vignanamaya Kosha. It facilitates the transition from the physical to the non-physical. It does not ascribe to any of the physical qualities, but at the same time it is not yet wholly non-physical either. 5. This layer is called Anandamaya Kosha which in English translates as ‘bliss body’. This does not mean there is a bubble of bliss in you. It is called bliss body because in our experience, whenever it is touched, we become blissful. Bliss is not its nature; bliss is what it causes.
The Virus Can Give Your Life More Meaning
Originally published in The San Francisco Gate One way to respond in a crisis is to reduce its threat. The other way is to add to the threat. The coronavirus COVID-19 might be the first collective crisis that many people have faced, and it poses an uncertain future in every country that confronts it. But this doesn’t change the two choices just mentioned. Know that your individual actions will have an impact on countless other people. No matter how the COVID-19 pandemic resolves itself—something no one can predict—you can personally choose right now to reduce its threat. If you consciously make that choice, three positive things will happen. You will feel more in control; you will be on the side of healing, and you will add to the meaning of your life. How to be more in control This begins by acting responsibly, following what the experts in disease control advise. By now everyone is aware of the need to stay at home, self-quarantine if you show any symptoms, keep 6 to 10 ft. away from other people in public, don’t take long plane flights, and wash your hands frequently (the medical school routine for scrubbing up applies here: Wash your hands vigorously while singing “Happy birthday to you” twice—and don’t forget your thumbs and between your fingers). The active ingredient in effective hand sanitizers is isopropyl (rubbing) alcohol, which you can also use by itself in at least a 60% solution with water. This is all useful advice, but it doesn’t address where being in control comes from, which is mental. Positive thinking isn’t enough. Feeling safe and secure is a state of awareness. It exists in us when we reach deeper than the everyday self. The everyday self cannot feel permanently safe. Outside forces loom too large and threatening. This is the time to take up meditation or return to it if you have lapsed. Your goal is to connect with your deeper awareness, the place where self-control and security comes from. The superficial part of everyone gets involved in a crisis by staying glued to the news, attaching itself to worst case scenarios, and dwelling on the terrible things other people are going through. None of this behavior puts you in control. It does just the opposite by fueling fear, uncertainty, and insecurity. Looking at updates once a day is more than enough. The rest of the time, remain centered in yourself and keep doing the sensible thing. How to be on the side of healing Bad things happen to everyone. It is how you react that determines whether you come out healed or wounded. In all of us, the healing response is natural, innate, and powerful. More than the immune system is involved. Healing is a mind-body process. If you are sad, stressed, depressed, anxious, helpless, hopeless, panicky, or feel out of control, every cell in your body gets that message. Therefore, do everything you can to send the opposite message. We’ve already mentioned meditation, which has a strong effect in restoring mind-body balance. But you also need to be vigilant on two other fronts: sleep and stress. Good, sound sleep maintains homeostasis and prevents a cascade of imbalances that can occur in hormones, for example. Stress is a powerful trigger for hormone imbalance, among other things. It has been linked to chronic inflammation, for example, which seems to be present in acute and chronic disease. Besides doing all you can to sleep well and reduce immediate stresses, there is vagal breathing, which has become widely publicized in recent years. Centered on stimulating the vagus nerve, which runs from the brain to heart, lungs, intestinal tract, and elsewhere. By breathing in to a count of four, holding your breath for a short pause, and breathing out to a count of four, you tell the vagus nerve that you are in a calm, balanced state. In response, it helps maintain mind-body balance. You can do more to be on the side of healing by following the positive lifestyle choices you already know are good for you in terms of a healthy diet and avoiding or greatly minimizing alcohol, tobacco, and drugs. The good things you are doing contribute to boosting your immune response, or at the very least doing your best to keep it from being compromised. So far as anyone knows, the victims of COVID-19 are most likely to be immune-compromised. If you aren’t, your risks seem to be drastically lowered. How to give your life more meaning This is the most positive thing you can get out of the COVID-19 crisis and yet the least discussed. Life becomes more meaningful when you feel you have purpose, when you give of yourself in service, when you find resources of strength and resilience inside yourself, and when you discover who you really are. No virus can deprive your life of meaning unless you allow it to. Conversely, a virus won’t add to the meaning of your life. Viruses have no motive except self-preservation and replication. All of us have the same instincts; they are built into our evolutionary past. But where human evolution excels is at the level of consciousness that goes beyond instinct, into the realms of empathy and self-awareness. The expert medical advice that now surrounds us should be heeded, of course, but it falls short when it comes to meaningful change. Will you come out of this crisis feeling stronger, more resilient, and with more purpose? We’re not talking about putting yourself more at risk of getting sick, which is foolhardy. Instead, you can be strong for others. You can be the source of nurturing and optimism when others feel afraid and insecure. You can empathize with how someone else feels and lend your support. Where there are personal barriers of class, age, race, and income, you can be the one who lowers the barrier to reach out. Yet ultimately the greatest meaning will not arrive until the world feels safer. Then the temptation will be to go back to the status quo, to return to normal by putting COVID-19 out of our minds. That would be a tragic loss of opportunity. During times of crisis, we naturally take time to appreciate what we have and place a greater priority on what is most important to us. The question is how to carry this on after the crisis of COVID-19 passes. The global mind must solve many problems, from climate change to over-population, refugees, and hostile nationalism. How the world deals with the COVID-19 pandemic offers a clue to how every other problem will be confronted. Your life will be more meaningful if you contribute to meaningful solutions that reach far, far beyond the rampage of this virus. Everything, including being in control and being a healer, is wrapped up in that. DEEPAK CHOPRA MD, FACP, founder of The Chopra Foundation, a non-profit entity for research on well-being and humanitarianism, and Chopra Global, a modern-day health company at the intersection of science and spirituality, is a world-renowned pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation. Chopra is a Clinical Professor of Family Medicine and Public Health at the University of California, San Diego and serves as a senior scientist with Gallup Organization. He is the author of over 89 books translated into over forty-three languages, including numerous New York Times bestsellers. Chopra is a Clinical Professor of Family Medicine and Public Health at the University of California, San Diego and serves as a senior scientist with Gallup Organization. His 90th book, Metahuman: Unleashing Your Infinite Potential, unlocks the secrets to moving beyond our present limitations to access a field of infinite possibilities. TIME magazine has described Dr. Chopra as “one of the top 100 heroes and icons of the century.” Dr. Rudolph E. Tanzi is the Kennedy Professor of Neurology at Harvard Medical School and Co-Director of the McCance Center for Brain Health at MGH. Dr. Tanzi has discovered numerous Alzheimer’s disease genes, including the first one, and is developing new Alzheimer’s therapies using human mini-brains pioneered in his laboratory. Dr. Tanzi has published 600 research papers, received numerous awards and was on the 2015 TIME100 Most Influential People in the World list. He has also co-authored several books, including “Decoding Darkness” and three bestsellers with Deepak Chopra: “Super Brain”, “Super Genes”, and “The Healing Self”. In his spare time, he plays keyboards with guitarist, Joe Perry of Aerosmith and other musicians.
Re think these lists post COVID-19
Creating lists is one way of getting to know yourself better. Making lists helps us become more organized and more structured in our thinking, wants and desires. Set UR goals after analyzing UR lists. It's fun simple and extremely impactful. A bucket list helps you prioritize UR wants and desires in terms of travel, adventure and exploring new experiences. Zoom in on what fuels UR life and gives you a sense of fulfilment. You can do it all provided you have a structure and plan around it. Goals list is the blueprint to acing UR priorities. If UR clear about UR goals, UR wishes will automatically start falling in place. Goals should be small and achievable, they have to be stepping stones to reach the top. Mood board list helps you visually see and reminds you to be artistic and have fun. Take time out for yourself, be fit and successful at the same time. Add pictures of the places you want to visit, people you want to be like and things you want to do. Research says pictures carry the same impact as words. Visualizing UR mood board helps manifest things into reality. I truly believe in the power of ‘The Secret’. If you haven’t read it, UR missing out. Smart spending list is a must post the COVID crisis. Managing UR expenses efficiently helps you save money, stabilizes UR future and gives you the right opportunity to invest in something fruitful like a startup or an SME. Based on UR income you can plan savings, gifts and travel. Living within a budget is like a game. The better you get at it the wealthier you will become. Change UR habits list will make you more mindful of UR behavioral patterns. The first step towards becoming a better U is actually addressing and identifying the need for change. Be less reactive to things or scenarios which may trouble you or get the best of you. My mentor asked me to retrospect the difference between an assertive leader and an aggressive leader, this drastically improved my productivity. Practice being positive via guided meditation, positive affirmations or any activity of UR liking that bring about balance.
Know Your Limits: Wake Up To The Reality Of Drinking Sensibly!
We hate restrictions and regulations. Consequently, we are driven either consciously or unconsciously to override them. We like to lose control, but are inherently programmed to retain it! Alcohol is perceived as a substance that lets you be – something that gives you the deceptive confidence to shed your inhibitions and even bring out UR true self! You may have come across someone who drinks like a fish and is yet able to stand tall amongst the less tolerant intoxicated. Here is an alcoholic in the making. Excess intake of alcohol opens a Pandora’s Box of health and social problems. As said by Paracelsus, the father of Toxicology, ‘the dose makes the poison!’ Officially, Indians are amongst the world’s lowest consumers of alcohol, but we seem to have a way around it. How? Over half the drinkers fall in the hazardous drinking category! Further, about 15-20 per cent of this lot go on to become addicts or develop dependency syndrome. So whether you are a responsible social drinker or an addict, you definitely won’t get ‘high’ knowing that alcohol is one of the most toxic substances known to man! Unfortunately, it’s readily and legally available worldwide. As we are currently spoilt for choice, it becomes impossible to know how much is too much! This applies to everything we do, be it the food we eat, the money we seek, and importantly that drink we indulge in. Why We Need To Worry About Drinking Studies suggest that alcohol is connected to more than 60 types of diseases and injuries. For instance, alcohol is a risk factor for oesophageal cancer, liver cancer, and cirrhosis of the liver, stroke, and psychiatric illnesses including suicide, motor vehicle accidents and homicide. There has been an upward surge in patterns and trends of alcohol use in India. People are now drinking at a younger age and in the past two decades; the average age of initiation of alcohol intake has fallen from 19 to 13! The signature pattern of alcohol consumption is frequent and heavy drinking, with more than 90 per cent of alcohol consumption being in the form of hard liquor or distilled spirits. Alarmingly, only 40 per cent of these are branded. The Blame Game! According to the government, powerful international and domestic alcohol lobbies are targeting our young. There are multinationals at work trying to harvest the potential in India’s vast unexploited market for investment in production and distribution of alcohol and alcoholic products. The film industry glorifies drinking: Good guys, drink and good times are associated with intoxication! Limiting individual alcohol intake and drinking sociably and sensibly is the first step towards responsible drinking. In recognition of the global health issues with alcoholism, the World Health Organization (WHO) kicked in 2012 by sounding out national governments on setting a global target for reducing per capita consumption of alcohol. But the move seems to have hit a roadblock for in April, the WHO dropped it, citing poor support from member states! But why wait until countries and states decide on strategies for reducing alcohol consumption? Limiting individual alcohol intake and drinking sociably and sensibly is the first step towards responsible drinking. For this, drinks need to be quantified, and the guidelines for alcohol intake need to be understood. Count Your Drinks The health authorities in the UK worked on guidelines for alcohol consumption far back in 1981. They very aptly titled it, ‘Drinking Sensibly’ which contained the detailed definition of alcohol misuse and the introduction to the concept of sensible drinking. Three years later, it was followed with guidelines on individual drinking. The latter too was aptly titled, ‘That’s the Limit!’ which outlined ‘safe limits’ for drinking. Their follow-up reports in 1995 formed the basis for quantifying alcohol volume in units and individual drinking guidelines (21 units a week for men and 14 for women). A couple of years later, these guidelines were changed from weekly limits to daily limits. Here are a few points from the new guidelines: Men: 3-4 units a day or less Women: 2-3 units a day or less After an episode of heavy drinking, refrain from drinking for 48 hours to allow the body tissues to recover Units are a fundamental concept used in guidelines on alcohol consumption. Approximately, one unit equals to a 25 ml measure of spirits like whisky, or half a pint of ordinary strength (4 per cent) beer, 100 ml of 10 per cent wine. Therefore, a ‘large’ peg of whisky has two units; a can of regular beer has about 1.5 units; and 175 ml glass of wine contains two units. Awareness about alcohol consumption and associated health hazards, as well as sensible drinking limits, may help to contain and reduce the intake. Also, what we urgently require is education and awareness programmes on the perils of alcoholism and hazardous drinking.
Check to see if UR in a toxic relationship
No relationship is picture-perfect, there are many elements which cause distance, disrespect and abuse even in a loving relationship. Here are five signs that tell you if UR in a toxic relationship. A lot of people feel embarrassed to get marriage counselling. It's absolutely fine! Try to work things out as much as you can. Set UR priorities, take drastic decisions keeping yourself and UR loved ones in mind. Happiness is a state of mind that only U R responsible for This can cause bitterness and constant belittling can cause mental trauma. This can happen without realizing. Belittlement stems from insecurity. If you or UR partner is insecure, it's time to address the issue. Any kind of abuse is a clear indicator that shows UR partner you are unhappy or mentally troubled, which causes them to lash out. In many cases, people regret lashing out mentally & physically. If it happens rarely then forgive, if it occurs regularly seek external help immediately. This can be of different kinds, it can be emotional or physical. One can’t blame anyone for cheating. It depends on the circumstance if the partner is regretful & willing to change its worth forgiving. If the partner tries to cover it up, it leads to trust issues. It’s all about how you feel, UR values and the situation UR in. A relationship should make you feel safe and secure more than happy. So choose wisely. No respect or trust can make any relationship stagnant just like a broken-down car. Respect in a relationship is like peanut butter and jelly; they taste amazing when they are together in a sandwich. Respect stems from UR upbringing and personality. If you were brought up in an atmosphere that didn’t respect women, you can carry the same to UR relationship. Little or no communication causes never-ending conflicts and misunderstandings. Communicating helps you and UR partner understand each other's genuine emotions. Set an exclusive date night once a month to discuss each other’s issues and problems. Feel free to do this exercise more often if required. The golden rule of this exercise is to solve issues and not repeat them again. Having said that habits take a while to change, give people time and understand their perspectives before accusing.
