Heal
Here’s the truth – real families are not perfect. They are real because they are imperfect!

Dr Savita Date Menon

Clinical Psychologist and Wellness Specialist

4 min read


The festive season is fun and exciting, with loved ones cooking scrumptious traditional delicacies that are made specially during this time. Then there are new clothes, cleaning and sprucing the house, festive lights, flowers and personalized decor! The pleasant weather after Diwali, nearing Thanksgiving, Christmas, New year and Sankranti, makes this time of the year feel even more celebratory. The oppressive summer heat and unending rains are gone. The nip in the air and the cool breeze makes this time of the year even more enjoyable with the countless family gatherings and get-togethers you may have to attend.

The drop in temperature also makes it bearable to wear heavy silks and fancy clothes. All these add to the happiness of creating sweet memories and memorable experiences. Another reason we all look forward to this season is that we get a break from work and from our mundane routine. We also get the opportunity to visit and meet with family and close friends. But this is a lot of work too when you don’t know how to steer the conversation the right way!

Covid rehab to heal URLife
  • Expert advice
  • Live classes
  • Covid 19 care

English 11-11.30 am | Hindi 12-12.30 pm | Telugu 6-6.30 pm

Spending time with extended family can bring both joy and stress. Arguments can arise quite quickly. Parents and grandparents may have many expectations. The media and advertisements show us perfect smiling families in the ideal surroundings that can lead to high expectations and we feel pressurized to live up to these images.


In most families, only a few people end up doing most of the work. Thus, they end up feeling tired and exhausted, resentful and snappy. This is not fair. But working together can make life easier for everyone. Roles can be assigned, and responsibilities can be divided. Here’s the truth – real families are not perfect. They are real because they are imperfect! Not all family members get on well together. Animated conversations can soon become heated and lead to the opening of old wounds and unresolved issues.


More people also result in more mess and more work. Getting together a real family for a group photograph can also be a challenge. However, some planning and organizing ahead always works. You can plan activities that revolve around an event. This gives everyone a direction. It could be a walk in the park or a trek for the more able-bodied. Yoga can work well too. It could be a group sing and dance, or even a flash mob if your family is large enough.

Join the wellness movement!

Get personalized and curated wellness content on URLife.co.in
By clicking, you agree to T&C and Privacy policy

In most families, only a few people end up doing most of the work. Thus, they end up feeling tired and exhausted, resentful and snappy. This is not fair as working together can make life easier for everyone. Roles can be assigned, and responsibilities divided. While the women cook lunch, the men can arrange dinner. A few more things U can keep in mind is what conversation you should altogether avoid at the dinner table, give our article on Ice breakers at the dinner table a quick read to know how U can kickstart conversations the right way!

Things to keep in mind at the dinner table
The aim is to have light-hearted conversations and get to know each other better. Save the Drama for another time!

  • U could start a chat by sharing an interesting incident that happened to you, and then ask if anyone had any such anecdotes to share?
  • Mixing fun topics with slightly more introspective ones will keep everyone listening and connected. U can learn things about each other U just never knew. If you notice it is a Quiz about the family, by the family.
  • Create an atmosphere for family members to share things about themselves they would otherwise be reserved about. Be careful to avoid getting the feeling of people bragging, brush it off as getting to know them better.
  • Include fun games and activities during family gatherings to make it interactive. Make the most of this family time because you won’t get it back.

Despite all UR best efforts, there will still be mini volcanoes erupting now and then with minor blow-ups. This is because some members of the family don’t get along. In such cases, it’s best to have an early chat with them. Request them to put their differences aside for the time being. Assign them different jobs and ensure they have separate rooms. Look for that one thread in a difficult discussion with which you can all agree with.

Agree to disagree. Or walk away and let it go rather than getting into a full-blown debate ending up in a heated argument. Remember U R spending a few days together and not the rest of your life! Also, remember that you have chosen this get together. U should only focus on enjoying the season, sharing goodwill and smiling at the imperfect! It helps U evolve as a person.